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Written by: LeatherGirl
Archive: 9 July 2001
Summary: This is way too big to summarize. Read it and be entertained! And if you're familiar with my writing style, the title is more than enough to summarize this fanfic!
Rating: R for mainly strong language, a little sexual content, and some violence
Category: Drama/Action/Adventure
Spoilers: Everything up to Eat Me, S3.
Disclaimer: I wrote this fanfic purely for entertainment with no intentions of making a profit off of Farscape, Jim Henson Productions, Channel 9, and the amazing creators of this show or anybody else involved. When you have fun creating, money is no object. Ka'ru is a fictional character of my own creation. As for the many scientific impossibilities found in this fanfic, frell them because this is science FICTION after all!
Author's Note: This fanfic has to be the largest writing project I have ever challenged myself into producing. I actually felt further away from Farscape than I have been in the past when writing fan fiction, thus making it even more difficult to breathe life into the well-known characters. Real life issues also strayed me away from this fanfic, many of the issues dealing with inner struggle. I bring the final piece to you as my heart and soul. Please read it as a whole and respond with feedback. Even though completion and joy of writing is satisfying by itself, feedback is the ultimate satisfaction in order for me to truly see if my efforts paid off.
Thanks to the following beta-readers for helping me out: pkbarb, jilacosa, and johryn.
Special thanks to the creators of Farscape for a unique look into the world of a universe we may never know.
This story was somewhat inspired by Stephen King's latest novel, Dreamcatcher. If you loved The Stand, this one is even better!
Red flashes. Yellow pulses. Blue sparkles. Green blinking. Strings of these colorful lights decorated the large section of a sandy beach. The ocean spilled out to an invisible horizon of a crystal clear night. A full moon rested above the graceful ocean. Soothing waves of the Atlantic crashed onto the beach. Millions upon millions of tiny sparkles of light speckled the dark sky. An occasional meteor streaked across the sky, followed by countless shouts of excitement from down below. Laughter floated into the slightly cool air. A warm bonfire lit the lonely section of beach and the ecstatic crowd of recent graduates. Many were dancing in a group near the fire to music blaring on a boom box. Others were in small clusters, drinking alcohol and pondering their futures. And two best friends rested down on the beach, away from all the madness.
Aside from the noisy crowd nearby, the two could not believe the overwhelming silence of nature surrounding them. The silence was both beautiful and frightening at the same time. Somewhat like the experience of being in space.
DK sat on a large rock, dangling his bare feet in the cold waves. John lay on the bare sand nearby watching the small meteor shower streaking across the night sky. DK glanced over at his friend and laughed to himself. This was one MIT grad who could never get enough of the stars, even on the night they were supposed to be getting drunk silly and scoring with their girlfriends.
"You are one strange person, John." DK laughed. John raised his head briefly to give DK a crazed smile.
"We're about to run dry, my friend. How many more beers do we have left?" John called back. DK leaned over to view the contents of a blue cooler resting to the side of the rock he was seated on.
"Two. I hope the girls aren't missing us." DK stated. John laughed.
"Don't worry, I'm sure Melissa has plenty to keep her entertained."
"Hey! She only works at that joint to pay back her loan. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, you know!" DK said in as serious a voice as he could.
"DK?" John's voice carried a serious tone. DK tilted his head and looked to his friend.
"Yeah?"
"Did your parents show up?" John asked of the graduation ceremony earlier that day.
"No." DK's disappointed voice answered. John hoisted himself upwards and looked to DK.
"Look, I'm sorry man. Just know that my Mom and Dad are as proud of you as they are of me. In fact, probably ten percent more!" John winked.
DK let out a small laugh. He shifted so his body was facing John. He scooped up two bottles of beer and snapped off the caps. Smoky wisps of air whirled above the lips of the bottles. DK stood and handed one to John. He sat back down on the rock and took a gulp of his beer. The gentle waves crashed along the beach in the silence. The two men contemplated about life for quite a long time before speaking once again.
"What are we going to do now?" DK asked, not really expecting an answer. He looked to the sky, almost begging for a response from above. John lay back down on his back and observed the stars, the question running through his mind.
A rather large meteor glazed across the atmosphere hundreds of miles above. Both DK and John muttered in surprise at the brightness of this meteor and continued to as it streaked on and grew brighter. The burning meteor now becoming a meteorite sparked something within John. He snapped his fingers, startling DK into spilling a little of his drink. John watched the meteorite fizzle out and sat up in excitement. DK could swear he could see the excitement glowing in his friend's eyes through the darkness.
"Man oh man why didn't I think of this before! Atmospheric friction...traveling at the speed of light...it's all possible DK. It's been at our fingertips since the beginning of mankind and no one's ever even thought of it!" John rambled on at light speed, his hand raised with a finger lowering on each point made. DK looked at his friend as if he had just come from another planet.
"Maybe you've had a little too much to drink...."
"DK! Listen to me! Since the beginning of the space program, humans have been limited by travel in outer space. Traveling at light speed. It was simply impossible to generate enough power...we've got it, DK. All along, we've been staring at the answer all along." John's voice began to rise in excitement. DK began to catch on, with excitement growing within his own stomach now.
"Traveling at light speed. We'd need a shuttle with damned high quality aerodynamic design to do that." DK muttered, making about as much sense as his friend at the moment. Equations, thoughts, theories, and physics raced through both the graduates' minds.
"Using the Earth's atmospheric friction and the speed generated from that...DK...we could send a shuttle into unprecedented interstellar travel." John said. His stomach was fluttering, his heart was racing, and his mind was littered with possibilities.
"To Pluto and back in less than a week." DK smiled. The two nodded to each other in perfect understanding. Though sketchy at the moment, this was the beginning of an incredible theory that would change both their futures.
Nearly half an hour passed. DK ventured to the main party to gather more alcohol. John lay in place with a smile plastered on his face. Exciting ideas were formulating in his mind. A loud clapping noise disrupted his thoughts. John lifted his head and his smile slipped into a frown. Seated on the rock where DK had previously sat was Scorpius. John sat up with caution. Scorpius lowered his arms and gave John a chilling smile. The moonlight shone off his leather suit as Scorpius stood. John scrambled to stand.
DK called to him like he had in John's original memory, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. John's heart rate quickened and the half consumed beer bottle in his hand slipped from his grasp, toppling over on the sand by his bare feet.
John stared into the dark, hollow eyes of Scorpius, feeling an intense rage filling his every bone. DK called once again. In the original memory, John had answered. This time, nothing came from his opened mouth. DK answered as if John had responded just like in the original memory. John titled his head. What was going on?
*****
John was slightly disoriented. How had he gotten to Tier 3? He remembered leaving Pilot's den but he could not for the life of him remember traveling all the way to Tier 3. At least he was still on course for maintenance bay 3. Had he asked D'Argo to meet him there yet? John shook his head. What was going on this time with his mind? He tapped his comms when Aeryn appeared down the hall, traveling towards him. John's heart skipped a beat at the beauty passing him by. He loved her more intensely than he had ever physically and mentally loved a woman. And he now knew that feeling was mutual since Aeryn had proclaimed her love for him just monens ago.
Aeryn did not acknowledge him, however. She kept walking, her face set in anger. John would have thought this typical of the ex-PeaceKeeper a cycle or two ago, but knew better. He caught up to her and grasped her right arm gently. Aeryn spun around, her long black hair swirling in the air, glinting off the light of the hall. John looked into her troubled eyes as she came to a stop, facing him. He released his grip on her arm and frowned.
"What's wrong?" John asked gently. Aeryn blinked and held her emotions at bay. John could see she was fighting back tears. He wanted to bring her close in an embrace but somehow sensed now wasn't the right time.
"We need to get out of here now and no one is doing a single frelling thing about it. I'm going to Pilot. I know I can do something." Aeryn had always displayed incredible devotion to Moya.
"Really, what's wrong, Aeryn?" John asked again, unsatisfied with her answer. Aeryn stepped forward, her face growing stone cold. John instantly began to regret stopping her in the first place.
"Your frelling wormholes, that's what's wrong. They blind you. You don't see the danger. You react with your emotions and not your intelligence. It is stupid and selfish. Don't you see what you're doing to Moya? To Pilot? To your crewmates? If I didn't know any better, I'd say your more fahrbot now than before the surgery on your brain!" Aeryn exploded with anger. Her face grew red as she shouted into John's bitter expression. John's patience was wearing thin. Aeryn was only seeing her side of the situation and it was making him angrier than she appeared to be. Aeryn, in John's eyes, had chosen the wrong moment to release her anger towards him.
"Wormholes? Is that what this is all about? Explain to me please why you won't even get close with me lately?" John roared back. "Is it because I'm human and you're Sebacean? We wouldn't want to contaminate the bloodlines now would we? It would do your species some good to gain a little intelligence and heart."
John stepped forward, so that both were now nose to nose. They glared at each other, daring the other to say something that would give one an excuse to strike the other. She called me selfish. John couldn't believe Aeryn was so blind to his devotion to his research. He had the mivonks to insult me. Aeryn had expected strange and dull-witted words from this human before but he had crossed a line this time.
"What's with you lately, really?" John pressed the issue. Aeryn glared at John, her look warning him to go no further on the subject.
"Maybe I should be asking you the same thing. You seem distant. Are you sure Scorpius isn't bothering you again?" Aeryn stated. She held her ground before John, her fists clenched. John took immediate defense at the mention of Scorpius.
"I am no longer under his control, Aeryn. You know that." John raised his voice.
"How can I trust you completely again? I don't deny my love for you but...." Aeryn stopped. She could not believe she had said that. John paused as well, realizing how hard it was for Aeryn to speak of her feelings. John stepped closer to Aeryn, breaking the boundary she had been protecting.
"But what?" John replied softly, feeling his love for her conquer his anger.
"I...I...." Aeryn stuttered, distracted by John as he ran his gentle hand across the small of her back.
Before John could do anything more, Aeryn shoved her hands into his chest, pushing him away. She began to walk away but John grabbed her arm and brought her back to face him.
"I'm getting sick and tired of this crap, Aeryn. Talk to me!" John raged.
"I don't know where my future is going anymore, John. I've never really had to think about it before. I was a soldier destined to die in battle. I'm no longer a soldier. I don't even know who I am or where I came from." Aeryn spilled out the truth. John was shocked. This had to be a first for Aeryn. She never had revealed her inner turmoil to him in the past like this.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?"
"I'm serious, John. I don't know where I belong anymore. I...I want to leave Moya." Aeryn revealed the ultimatum that had been swirling within her for weekens now. John dropped his jaw in shock.
"What?!" He shouted and shook his head. "I won't let you, Aeryn. I love you...I can't let you leave."
"What happens when you find a wormhole to take you home?" Aeryn challenged.
Their heated argument instantly sparked something between the two. John grabbed Aeryn and embraced her. She welcomed John's embrace and wrapped her arms around him. Their lips met and they kissed passionately for microts, nearly teetering over several times. The couple bumped into a nearby wall and continued to kiss. They were completely focused on each other, unaware of everything around them. His heart raced and his mind swirled as he kissed harder. Her body tingled and she pressed her body onto his, kissing back with the same intensity she received. Nothing in this universe could distract the lovers now.
*****
[An arn later...]
A cloudy wisp of steam swirled up through the cylindrical columns protecting Moya's essential neural clusters in maintenance bay 3. D'Argo stood beside the columns, staring into the steam, lost in his own thoughts.
"Hand me that wrench, will you?" John's muffled voice called out from the pit within the columns. His right hand stretched out towards D'Argo.
D'Argo did not respond. He continued to gaze as John hoisted himself up out of the pit he was working in. John looked at D'Argo impatiently.
"I'd say Earth to D'Argo but it seems Moya to D'Argo would be more appropriate. What's up, big guy?" John asked. He swung his legs around so he could sit facing D'Argo.
With a solemn expression, D'Argo leaned up against one of the columns beside John. He took a deep breath and exhaled.
"I miss my son." D'Argo stated simply. The Luxan's eyes had grown misty as he spoke.
John knew the feeling all too well. He smiled at D'Argo and patted his friend on the shoulder.
"He'll be okay, D'Argo. He was on his own long before you two were reunited. He's young. He needs to figure things out for himself."
"John, I pushed him away." D'Argo spoke with intensity. He shook his hand to accent his points. "I hurt my son. I should have been embracing him; teaching him of Luxan traditions and honors like my father had taught me. I should have been sharing the memory of his mother so he could know what a glorious woman she was."
"D'Argo." John began. He stood to be in more direct eye contact with D'Argo. "Jothee knows who his mother was. He'll always remember her as a loving, caring mother. He won't forget her. No son could ever do that." John shook his head; his own eyes began to moisten. D'Argo sensed sadness in John's voice. He titled his head but remained focused on the current issue.
"Jothee needs a father, John. He needs someone to tell him everything's okay. I don't want him struggling to survive each day like we do. He deserves so much more than what fate has handed him." D'Argo glared at John. The strongest emotions were swirling within him. Tears were floating in his eyes but anger burned deep within them. John grew weary of the Luxan's emotional state. John nodded once, tightened his lips, and then relaxed his posture.
"Don't worry, D'Argo. Jothee already has an incredible father. He'll be fine. He's a survivor...just like you and me." John responded finally. He then turned back to the neural cluster.
"Jothee is a strong young man, you're right. But can I trust he'll do the right thing? He sure as hezmana didn't when left alone on Moya with Chiana!" D'Argo enraged, his voice escalating in anger. John spun around to face D'Argo once more; tired of the anger the Luxan had been carrying around within himself for monens since Jothee and Chiana had betrayed him.
"Forgive and forget, D'Argo." John bit back. "It's in Chiana's blood. Frell, they're both young and stupid. Are you sure you didn't do something like that when you were their age?"
D'Argo snapped. He lashed his tongue out at John. John leaned back quickly, barely escaping the tongue-lashing. He instantly retrieved his pulse pistol from its holster and had it aimed at D'Argo before either man could take his next breath. D'Argo backed away from the column he had been leaning on to face John. Both men nervously yet carefully observed the other, waiting for an excuse to strike.
"John, D'Argo, have you reconfigured the neural cluster yet?" Pilot's untimely question came over the comms.
"No!" Both men growled in response. The tone of their voices was enough for Pilot not to respond.
"Cool it, D'Argo." John warned.
"Or what, you'll shoot me?" D'Argo laughed.
"I just might." John answered. His eyes never left D'Argo's. His face was beginning to redden with anger. D'Argo suddenly realized the intensity of the situation and took a deep breath.
"Look, I'm sorry John. I got angry." D'Argo tried to calm the situation.
"Yeah, well you get angry a lot. Maybe you should look into some anger management courses." John stated with annoyance as he holstered his weapon. Both men then relaxed.
"Maybe you should join me." D'Argo stated with sincerity. John tilted his head and sent a doubtful look D'Argo's way.
"Just promise me you'll give Chiana another chance. She's crazy about you." John said. He then crawled back into the pit he had been working in. He glanced back up at D'Argo to see that he was considering with heart what John had suggested.
D'Argo knew the human was right yet again. He still felt love for Chiana. In fact he had cared for her like no other woman since Lo'Laan. Yet he could not let go of the past. Chiana had betrayed him and tried to deceive him. It had all been for her benefit. If D'Argo couldn't get past that, then he could never move forward with her again.
"Hey, D'Argo, the wrench? Please?" John called out, stretching his hand out once again from within the pit. D'Argo's thoughts were disrupted.
"Oh, here." D'Argo said, scooping up the wrench resting on a tool crate nearby. He placed the wrench in John's hand. John grasped the wrench and began to work once again.
"Thanks, D'Argo." John called out.
"No...thank you, my friend." D'Argo stated. John raised his head up in surprise. D'Argo smiled at him and headed out of the maintenance bay leaving John to work alone. A look of confusion enveloped John's face. He shrugged and then clambered back into the pit. At least somebody on this ship was going to make amends.
*****
D'Argo rested his Qualta Blade on the table in his quarters. He gazed at the weapon fondly, thinking of his son who only monens earlier had finally come back into his life. D'Argo was about to discuss something with Jothee when his son had picked up the Qualta Blade, admiring it with wonder and awe. D'Argo could sense the pride his son had for him. However, he also had sensed the anger Jothee carried beneath the surface. Why had Jothee and Chiana disrespected him? D'Argo was still angry about the affair between his former love and his son. Now that Jothee was gone on a quest to find himself and Chiana was left to make amends, D'Argo was unsure of what he wanted for his future. A small sound distracted D'Argo. He sniffed the air and smiled slightly, savoring the sweet smell of Chiana. He turned to face the Nebari standing in the doorway behind him, her face streaked with tears.
D'Argo stepped towards her at the same time that she stepped towards him. The two met up in the center of D'Argo's quarters. D'Argo reached to place his hands on Chiana's shoulders but retreated awkwardly. Chiana looked up to him and flashed a small smile of embarrassment. D'Argo's eyes were soft and caring, nearly causing Chiana to fall in love with the Luxan harder than ever. Her feelings for him remained true, no matter what kind of tralk she could be. Unfortunately, being a tralk was in her nature and only now was she beginning to behave more devoted to one being. Throughout the two and a half cycles living aboard Moya, Chiana had grown more mature and stronger than ever. D'Argo realized this in her and loved her for it. He only wished that he could truly love her for everything she was once again.
"D'Argo." Chiana addressed him.
"Chiana." D'Argo responded in the same tone.
"You have to trust me, D'Argo. If we're going to be...friends now. This ship is only so big for the both of us to be avoiding each other all the time. I may be young but I know what's right and what's wrong. I make mistakes. We all make mistakes. What truly makes someone who they are is if they can forgive another for an unforgivable act. D'Argo, you're a sweet, strong, sexy man and I...." Chiana stopped, realizing she had stepped closer to D'Argo and had begun to twirl his braid like she had always done in the past. D'Argo had frozen, unsure of what to do or feel. Chiana backed off again and looked down for a moment. "What can I do to make things the way they used to be?"
D'Argo remained silent. Chiana felt as if a weight had partially lifted off of her shoulders. Yet she still shivered with anxiety, wondering where their relationship would go from here.
"Nothing." D'Argo finally replied but then smiled. "We'll just have to start over."
"I know I'm a tralk and that's what everyone expects me to be but...what did you say?" Chiana rambled on for a moment before realizing what D'Argo had suggested. Her heart skipped a beat and she stole a step forward. She tilted her head at D'Argo and smiled flirtatiously.
"As friends, Chiana. Nothing more...at least not for a while. I think we both need some time alone." D'Argo explained and smiled caringly at Chiana.
"I can respect that." Chiana nodded with a serious voice. She stepped back and looked to the floor. D'Argo paused and then drew Chiana in for a hug. The two embraced warmly, as friends and nothing more.
D'Argo let out a big breath and released Chiana. Chiana looked up at D'Argo's face, waiting to see what he would do next. D'Argo only smiled back at her, his eyes telling her he still loved her but his actions showing her that their romance was over. Chiana beamed back at him and the two knew at that moment that things were finally getting better between them.
*****
Stark sifted through the few physical remnants Zhaan had possessed during her stay on Moya. He sat in the center of his former lover's quarters, smiling fondly at the memories that passed through his somewhat distressed mind. Stark gazed at Zhaan's ceremonial objects among the remnants and looked towards the ceiling. He closed his eye and looked inward on himself, searching for the place Zhaan had taught him to go. This place was a sacred place in the soul, where a being could be one with the universe and one with himself. This was also where Stark could reach Zhaan in the afterlife...if he was lucky.
All physical surroundings disappeared and Stark felt pure peace. He breathed in deeply and opened his eye. All around him was a white plane of empty space. He turned slowly, his arms outstretched in caution. Zhaan was there and he could sense it. But where?
"Stark." Zhaan's gentle voice stated. So close Stark swore he could feel her breath on the back of his neck. He turned and true to his intuition, Zhaan was standing there before him, smiling more beautifully than he remembered of her.
"Zhaan! Oh Zhaan!" Stark cried and reached for the Delvian. They connected in a hug. After a microt, Stark looked Zhaan straight in the eyes and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Zhaan released her grip on Stark and stepped away. Stark's shoulder's drooped as he began to think she was leaving him. Instead, Zhaan only smiled back and tilted her head in wonder.
"How did you ever become so sweet?" Zhaan asked, not expecting an answer. Stark smiled at his love.
"You made me more than I ever thought I could be." Stark responded.
"What is it that troubles you so?" Zhaan pondered further. Stark's smile faded. He already knew what she spoke of. True, he was quite an unsettled individual. He would often become frantic and react on pure emotion. Stark could only blame the dreaded Aurora Chair he had spent two cycles with Scorpius fine-tuning it's efficiency.
"N-n-nothing. Nothing at all, Zhaan. I am here with you and that's all I need." Stark stuttered. Zhaan tilted her head in the other direction. Her eyes were almost piercing into Stark's own soul. He was beginning to feel that all too familiar urge to snap start to fill his existence.
"Why do you lie to me, Stark?" Zhaan asked.
"I would never lie to you, my love! Never!" Stark cried, falling to his knees.
"Harness your anger, Stark. Know that I will always love you. Remember everything I have taught you about your mind. Goodbye Stark." Zhaan stated. Her image faded from view.
Stark cried out, reaching for her and fell to the floor on Moya with a thud. He blinked several times, pulling himself up from the floor. The white space was gone just as instantly as Zhaan. A few of Zhaan's possessions rolled away from Stark's feet as he stood up abruptly. A bewildered expression formed onto his exposed face. Stark backed out of Zhaan's quarters slowly. The moment he arrived at the doorway, he turned and made a mad dash for the hall, racing as far from the quarters as possible.
*****
Aeryn stared into the mass of black holes out the view screen. A feeling of dread had settled into her stomach. Her dark eyes carried a trace of fear. This ex-PeaceKeeper who had always had the notion of dying during battle, could not comprehend the newest threat to her existence. Granted she was trained only as a soldier, not as a tech or scientist. She could not even begin to understand the gibberish from John about these black holes. She smiled warmly at the thought of the human. Their earlier encounter had been amazing. But the two quickly separated afterwards and headed their separate ways, as if they had nothing further to discuss. Aeryn had felt lost yet satisfied...the tension between the two was now gone. And while Aeryn had learned to rely on her feelings, she did not want to acknowledge the sinking sensation that provoked alarm within her. She knew she had to be focused and alert.
Chiana and Rygel had retreated to the Galley to eat even in the time of crisis, as usual. Jool had accompanied them as well, muttering something about fearing for her life and complaining about it, as usual. D'Argo had been called to assist John, as usual. And Stark was nowhere to be seen, again as usual. Aeryn was standing in Command, with nothing better to do than stare out the view screen and ponder what life could have in store for her now. Ever since her recent death and resurrection, Aeryn had a new outlook on her life. She felt the first half had been wasted on being a soldier, nothing more, and nothing less. A life valued in number, in battle against the enemy. She was realizing there was so much more and that her life was a gift. Zhaan had risked everything to bring her back to a life she did not want to return to. Zhaan had died to save her. Aeryn owed it to Zhaan and herself to do more. Be more.
The black holes appeared to be collapsing in on themselves now. The strong pull on Moya had lessened. The threat now appeared to be diminishing. Aeryn was almost tempted to leave and resume her daily exercises. But something caught her eye. Aeryn stepped forward, placing a hand on the console before her. Her heart began to beat faster. A spark of happiness ignited within.
"Pilot!" Aeryn called into her comms. She turned to see Pilot's image appear on the clamshell. She then turned back to the view screen to watch the object she had spied coming closer.
"Yes, offi...Aeryn?" Pilot asked, nearly forgetting their earlier conversation. Aeryn did not notice.
"Talyn! I see Talyn. He's coming this way." Aeryn announced. Pilot checked his scans.
"Moya does not sense any...." Pilot began. Aeryn interrupted him.
"I see him, Pilot. He's coming towards us. Establish contact immediately." Aeryn ordered.
"Moya cannot sense Talyn nor can she receive any frequencies from him. Perhaps the radiation levels have skewed transmissions. I will try once more." Pilot informed Aeryn.
"They've most likely seen us by now. I'm going to the Docking Bay." Aeryn stated and left Command.
As she headed for the Docking Bay, Aeryn reminisced about the gunship she had grown to care deeply for. Talyn was Moya's offspring. He was a hybrid gunship, half Leviathan with PeaceKeeper weaponry genetics. While still a baby, Talyn was separated from his mother.
Aeryn thought of the man who had taken over and commandeered Talyn, Captain Crais. Like Aeryn, Crais was now an ex-PeaceKeeper. And like Aeryn, he had bonded with the hybrid gunship. The little ship had adopted him and him alone as its temporary captain. Every instance that Moya and Talyn met, Aeryn jumped at the chance to board Talyn. Somehow, she felt at peace on the gunship.
*****